GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE JULY 4, 1997

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please let 't' know i want desperately to be with her

by M.T. "the Big Tipper" Martone dear big tipper,

i write to you as i am in my most desperate state. i met her two weeks ago for a coffee. i loved her body moving with mine and i lost my head, i always wondered what that would be like. she put her arms around me, i felt my hands on her, and she kissed me and held me and teased me till i let go.

it was lovely, she is, her hands are, she's beautiful and i like her voice, it tastes like her, after kissing me. Somehow all along i felt those seconds after kissing her is my perfect place to be, all that pleases me is visible there. but i had to go back home, and you see, i fell deeply in love and want nothing more than to be back where i can have coffee with my girl. could you tell her this? she's called "t" :) and she's so fine & i miss her. *blush*

"a"

Okay, e.e. cummings. I was never one to thwart the course of true lust, so consider your note passed. This is, however, a national column, so don't blame me if you accidentally get a few hundred extra girls in a sympathetic lather. Consider yourself warned.

Dear Big Tipper,

I have a new boyfriend, and we're doing all sorts of things I've never done before. We've had sex outdoors, in a friend's bed while we were housesitting, we've had phone sex, and we're starting to play with tying each other up. I know how to tie a square knot and a clove hitch from Boy Scouts when I was a kid, but there seems to be more involved than that.

When I tie his hands behind his back, he can't lie on his back without it hurting. I know I could actually tie him to the bed, but I just have a simple wooden frame with no headboard, so that doesn't work. We're having a good time, but it seems like there are certainly tricks we don't know.

Please tell us any suggestions you might have.

P.S. We bought handcuffs, but they hurt, so we're using ties (neckties).

Dear Bound to Please,

Fit to be Tied

Right on, my brother, for taking full advantage of these long warm summer days. I'll share a couple of bondage tips, but you might want to check out a book like Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns, or SM 101 for more detailed info.

You're right: Handcuffs aren't a great allpurpose restraint. They're great for attaching your date to the bar so he can't get in trouble while you're in the bathroom, but a good set of leather or nylon cuffs are more comfortable and practical for more long-term restraint. Use something that will attach securely to, say, his wrists, then tie the cuffs to, say, the back of your 4 x 4 truck. Cotton rope (or neckties) work well too,

but make sure there's enough room to slip a finger or two between his skin and the rope so his circulation doesn't get cut off. Also, keep a tough scissors nearby, and never tie someone up with anything you're not willing to cut off in an emergency.

If you don't have a headboard on your bed, you can always screw eye hooks into the corners of a sturdy wooden bed frame, or even into the floor at the four corners of a futon. If your bed is metal, or you don't want to gouge it, get some leather straps with snap clips on the ends (leashes work well), and tie them to the frame at the corners, then snap them onto the cuffs. Tah dah!

Remember, never leave someone alone if he's tied up: In the case of an emergency, he might not be able to free himself. You're in charge of his health and well-being as long as you have him immobilized. Good luck with the new boy. He sounds like a good influ-

ence.

Dear Big Tipper,

As you know, girls will be girls, and as a bunch of us were drinking last night the conversation, of course, turned to sex. We're a pretty well-informed group, but we couldn't figure out, or at least agree on where vaginal lubrication actually comes from. We all agree that it comes from somewhere inside, not from the vulva or lips, but what is it actually? And what part of your body produces it? Slicker Shock

Dear Shiny Happy People,

You'd think that this is a straightforward inquiry that just needs to be looked up, right? Well, after consulting Our Bodies, Ourselves, New View of a Woman's Body, and my pals Chester the nurse practitioner and Keith the internist, I have info, but questions remain.

Here's what I've gathered: Girl juice is comprised of a few different components. Endocervical ("in da cervix") glands in your endocervical canal (in the neck of the uterus, corking the top of your vagina) produce mucus. What's mucus? Well, it's snot, but more romantically speaking, it's a polysaccharide (a multi-sugar chemical compound) that protects, lubricates, and acts as a slidy conveyor belt, designed to move germs out and sperms in. Increased blood flow (the "I'm About to Get Some” reaction) to this area increases mucus production.

Now, according to the internist, the vaginal walls do not actually produce mucus. According to New View of a Woman's Body, there are glands in the vagina which do. Hmm. When a woman has had a hysterectomy, her uterus is gone, so there are no endocervical glands to provide lubrication, but there still is, to a lesser degree, lubrication produced; probably from the walls of the vagina.

If all else fails, of course, you can just go to Jiffy Lube.

Send your burning questions on life and love to M.T. Martone, care of the Chronicle, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland 44101, or fax to 216-631-1052, or e-mail to martone@ drizzle.com.

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